3.21.2012

Changes

As with all things, seasons, everything changes.  Two weeks ago I was freezing wearing gloves after there had been snow flurries and now my toes are out and I'm seeing my flowers begin to peek through the recently dormant earth.    Here are some tullips and daffodils, not from my garden but from our local market.  Lovely.
With Spring came some changes.  My dogs got a taste of the outdoors and sitting on the porch again.  All Wally, my king charles cavelier wants to do is have me blow bubbles so he can chase them.  It's true.  Take a look.

He loves bubbles!  Truly.
My youngest made the JV Tennis team for his prep school.  We were all thrilled for him.  Both my sons are musicians and have been taking guitar and piano since they were in the one digits.  Now Tim, my oldest no longer takes lessons but still plays both instruments on occassion.  Matt continues to take lessons but with Tennis there has been an interruption in our weekly music schedule.  I started taking piano a year and a half ago but recently stopped.  Well I started back up yesterday to hold the spot for my son while he is involved in Tennis for the next two months.  
Every Tues and Thurs for years, ever since I can remember, Matt and I spend one hour in the evening going to lessons.  We first hit Starbucks and enjoy our favorite drinks and then we go for his hour lessons.  It has always been the best part of the week for me.  I enjoy going and talking to friends I have met through the school and have known for years while Matt enjoyed his lesson.  Yesterday was the first evening that I spent alone without him going to the music school.
And it hit me.  Matt would be stopping soon due to achedemic overload.  He will be a junior next year and then a senior and then off to college.  He was my last, the son who didn't mind doing things with me all the time.  My baby.  
Changes.  I felt melancholy as I bought my coffee and walked down the street where I have walked over and over again with Matt by my side.  I missed him.  I missed the things we always did together.  And I know he will return to lessons once he is done with Tennis in a few weeks but this is only a taste of what is surely to come.  
Some mothers say that they look forward to moments alone without their kids hastling them and annoying them all the time.  I've never had that or felt that.  I've always liked who my sons were and the way they were.  I have always enjoyed their company and our time together.  
And now I realize that the time we spend will shorten as the days go on and soon they will both be gone.  
I hope I've been a strong influence in their lives.  I hope that they never feel like they can't spread their wings to fly because I have held them back.  That's not what a mother wants for her children. 
I speak as a mother of males.  I can only speak about what I know.  But being a mother of sons means that as their mother, there is a responsibility to give them their first impression of what a woman is like and how they should respect and be respected by them.  We are there first glimpse of the opposite gender.  I hope that I have stood by them at just the right time, and held them up just until they could manage on there own.  I hope that I never clipped there wings but helped them lift and soar higher than they ever imagined.  
Being a mother means to allow your most precious possession, your child to grow to believe in themselves knowing that when they feel as if they might not be able to go on, we can whisper in there ears and say "yes you can."  And at the same time be ready with arms wide open to catch them when they fall and whisper to them once more, "that's okay, will try again tomorrow.  You can do it tomorrow."

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