One of my greatest fears is getting lost. Lost on a highway, lost on a road leading to some highway, without knowing which way to go. I know what your gonna say, "Don't you have a Nav in your car?"
Yes I do and I'm learning to use it more and more each day. But I'm also speaking Metaphorically.
I'm paralleling Life's choices with a path or a road. Robert Frost said it best.
I'm always intrigued by how much is predestined and controlled by fate and how much of our lives we control through our choices and decision making.
The other day I was driving and had to go somewhere that I had never gone. (Keep in mind this is all only a few miles from my home. I am highway phobic!) I will go on them when and if I have to but prefer roaming the lovely country roads near my home. I consider myself to be a good driver and love my car, but I have this fear of merging on highways and winding up taking "a road less traveled."
Anyway I took the wrong road that lead me to a stretch of a road that was leading to getting on a highway. I panicked. Thinking how do I get off this and instead of trusting my handy dandy nav and staying on the road to see where it would take me I did an illegal move. I made an illegal u turn over the raised division separating both sides of uncoming traffic. You get what I did? I went over the separator thingy.
Thankfully the angels were with me and there were no cars coming. I was safe. But my life has consisted of taking turns and going down roads that I've aways thought were safe. What if I had taken one that I could not predict the outcome?
I recently reunited with my first boyfriend and dear friend Richie. I knew him since I was 14 years old and his family. We figured out we hadn't seen one another for over 25 years. Crazy huh?
Unfortunately we had to reunite during his dear brother's funeral. His mother is also in the hospital and suffered a stroke consequently after her son was placed on life support. A terrible and awful blow to his family, there are no words.
So after 25 years we were face to face once again. We were young kids back then and now we were married and parents and in our 40's. I'm 46 he's 49. I stood there with him and his wife while I stood with my husband and I couldn't help but see him the way I remembered and at the same time a montage of stills flashed before me of the memories I had of us.
We made plans to get together with our families once his mother recuperates and we shared a few memories via email of humorous incidents that we remembered about the past.
The path we take in our lives may not seem pertinent at the moment we take it but the end result shall always be permanently different to another choice or the result of following another turn in the road. How much is predetermined? How much is contolled by fate? If only I knew. Serendipity is a word I often wonder about. Are there fortunate accidents that lead us to where we should be. Are there accidents? Or are there signs form some supreme being above.
I like to think that we are in control of our destiny to some extent. That we make our own choices, pick our paths and navigate what course to take. But along the way I believe there are signs. Signs along each well traveled path telling us "try this?"
I don't know why my road has led me to where I am today, but what I do know is that I have enjoyed the ride.
Here is a picture of my dear friend Richie and Me. I believe I was 17 years old at a friend's sweet sixteen. Take a look.