4.19.2014

In The Stillness of Hope

As I look out from my window I see the new and long awaited blooms of my magnolia trees.  Some are fraile and not yet opened enough to see their full beauty while others have opened too soon and have suffered from the unexpected frost.  
A friend of mine reminded me that today (Holy Saturday) is a day of stillness, of waiting and of hope.   It could not be more fitting for how I am feeling.  
After many years of living with my mother I am without her.  Her mental state became too difficult and she has become a danger to herself.  I had to make the hardest decision of my life and now my mom is in the first level of hospice for alzheimers and severe dementia patients at a memory care facility close to home.
I am overwhelmed with sadness and like in the stillness of today, I yearn for stillness within myself.  I hope for the moment when I will find peace in my decision and wait for the day when my mom's suffering will end and she may be whole once more and I may finally have peace to know my mother is resting in the joy of heaven.
xoxo
Lisa

13 comments :

Catherine said...

Sending lots of love to you xoxoxo

Gigi from Wisconsin said...

Lee,
Thoughts and prayers are sent your way. You will find peace.

Karen

BuffyPalomar said...

Lee,

I have just recently found your blog and I truly love the content, it's just the right amount of everything and not too much of some things, for me. Thank you, it has risen to the top of my loooong blog reading list.

In the essence of the 'stillness of hope', allow me to share a story.....I married my husband almost 33 years ago, we had 3 children together, it's been a rough go, but I'm here.....still hoping. My mother in law never accepted me as her daughter, I was respectful and she was polite, at least to my face. She was never a Grandmother to my children, even though she lived 20 minutes away in the same town. She came down with Alzheimer's, much earlier in my view, than other family members would recognize, finally could not live alone,(her and her husband had been separated a long time and lived separately)and went into a home to be cared for and to be safe. When her final days approached, it neared my Birthday. I was not concerned, but my husband was and he had been praying that she would not pass on or even near that date. My Birthday was Super Bowl Sunday, as it often is, earlier in that week God spoke to me and told me that Shirley was going to pass on my Birthday and that I should take it as an honor to me for all the lost and unkind years. (Insert WOW! or Hallelujah! here) I could not speak of this, even to my husband even though I knew it was a concern for him. When my Birthday came, we sat quietly at home (with the game on, but barely paying attention) and waited for the call, it came and she was gone. My husband had had a peace about his Mom and her passing for a month or so, but not about it happening on THIS day. I waited for him to talk about whatever he needed to, shed a few tears, reflected, and he finally uttered that he had been praying for this not to happen today. I told him what God had already shared with me and it was as if one thousand pounds had been lifted from his shoulders. We both sat in 'the stillness of hope' and the recompense of a loving God who knows all and sees all and is 'always working together for good to those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.' Romans 8:28
God bless you, peace be with you,
Cathy

BuffyPalomar said...

Lee,
Sorry, forgot to leave an email to my comment above..... Cathyology@aol.com

Cathy

Windlost said...

What a beautiful tribute to your mom and what a very hard time this must be. My thoughts and prayers are with you now. I hope that visiting her there will not be sad but that you can see her well cared-for and safe which is what matters now. Easter blessings to you and a very big hug. Xox Terri

Linda P said...

Hi Lisa, such a touching post. It must have been so difficult to make your decision, however I feel you have made the right choice. Your love for your Mother shows through, strong and everlasting. Your decision was made out of love. Try to smile and not be sad, for you have given your Mother the most precious gift. You should find peace, knowing your Mother will be cared for and not fear she will hurt herself. Find peace within yourself. xo

Yarlette Gebarowski said...

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your Mother. I know difficult it is for you. I felt the same way about my Mother when we had to place her in the nursing home when she got so bad. She passed away in Febuary after suffering with Alzheimer's for several years. It was so sad but I feel that she is finally at peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Yarlette Gebarowski said...

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your Mother. I know difficult it is for you. I felt the same way about my Mother when we had to place her in the nursing home when she got so bad. She passed away in Febuary after suffering with Alzheimer's for several years. It was so sad but I feel that she is finally at peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Brenda said...

My heart goes out to you, Lisa. You have been such a faithful caregiver for your mother, and I know it is hard for you to let her go. You are in my thoughts.

Keeping It Cozy said...

What a difficult time this must be for you, Lisa. My thoughts have been with you. Hugs, Andrea

Nella Miller said...

Dear Lee, I am thinking of you...I lost my mother during Holy Week....N.xo

Lynne (lynnesgiftsfromtheheart) said...

I was fortunate to keep Mr. P at home with me until the end.. prayers are with you, I know how hard this is. fondly ~lynne~

Jaybird said...

It's all been said....
I can only add my prayers and a big hug for you.
God's Blessings, peace and strength to you.
J

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...