An Emotional Day

On Saturday morning we moved my youngest son into his college campus dorm. Above were all his things except for the striped bag that was mine.  (The things behind the cardboard box are not his)I have to say I thought we packed pretty compact.  I did see a few girls who had cartloads filled with things.

I am having alot of trouble I have to be honest.  Although this is not my first son who went to college, he is the first one to go away.  My oldest commuted to his school only 45 minutes away and lived at home.  Matthew is our baby and he is my last one.  As some of you know my oldest Tim, will be getting married on October 11 of this year, exactly 55 days from now, so needless to say I am feeling the anxiety of being away from both my sons.
So we left part of my heart almost 700 miles away.  My husband and I drove home feeling like we had lost something.  I won't sugarcoat it.  It was one of the hardest things we have ever done or experienced.  And yes I understand that every parent experiences this and I can't imagine what our military parents go through to know that their beloved son's are being deployed to placed like afghanistan.  I am trying to put it all into perspective and be thankful that he is safe and just attending college like millions of eighteen year olds do every year. But I can't seem to stop crying.  So I wanted to do a post to mark this moment, my feelings and thoughts.  My husband surprises me every Christmas with a gift of having my blog put into book form.  I already have 5 volumes.  (Crazy huh)  And even though I know that one of the boxes I open on Christmas morning will be my next volume to my blog, it still warms my heart that my husband never forgets and has them done for me.  I had told him that I wanted them for my son's so that when I'm gone they will have a collection of my thoughts, posts, important moments, great buys, (hee hee) projects, anything and everything I ever thought worth bloggin about.  They will see that I valued the little things, I valued the moments and that through it, through these volumes of humorous, whimsical, instructional, emotional posts, I will still be present in their lives.  They will say, "wow, mom posted about your birthday, or look remember that chair dad hated that mom bought at that antique place, or hey I didn't know she wrote about when I went to college or my first job, or wedding." Etc.  
So for this post, for some day when Matt comes across the volume that includes a post about late August 2014, he will see that his mother wrote:
This week I said goodbye to my youngest son.  My husband and I drove ten hours to take him and ten hours back home.  It was the most exciting trip and the most heart wrenching trip for us because although we could not be more proud of our boy, we were still leaving a part of our hearts so far away from home.  And no class or book or lecture or orientation meeting will ever prepare you for the pain a parent feels as you hug your son and drive away trying not to look back.
It know it will take some time to get accustomed to:
an empty room
a quiet house
an endless aching in my chest everytime I think of his face
a smaller list of groceries
less laundry
So in the meantime I will hold on to dates in my head.  Dates when I visit him and dates when my boy will be returning home.  And until then I will save each text, smell his pillow at least once a day, look at his photos on my phone and pray for him that he may be happy and be blessed.
I love my boy.  I love him forever.



Michele @ The Nest at Finch Rest said...

Awl, I feel you! It's tough, for sure. It's a huge milestone.

He is a good looking young man, I wish him well every day.

Hang in there mom. You are not alone.

(Big hugs for you.)

Lee J said...

Tear! This too shall pass! Praying for you!

Junkchiccottage said...

This is so hard when your youngest is flying the nest. These are big milestones in their lives and I know it can be hard. We cannot wait for these little people to grow up and start to carve out a life for themselves. It is bittersweet. Great because they are starting their own journey and sad because we are letting go. Your son is a sweet and handsome guy. Congrats and good luck to him at College.

Marilyn said...

All we can do as parents is prepare them (as best we can) and give them the "tools" for their toolbox. We pray that they make good decisions and use those tools as they navigate solo.

Wishing him much success as he prepares to navigate the next phase of his life.

Marilyn (in Dallas)

Dori at The Red Feedsack said...

Dear Lisa, I just about started crying in reading this post because it felt like yesterday that I was saying goodbye to my daughter when she got married and moved 2000 miles away. It was an exciting time, but a dreadfully heart wrenching time. So I know that feeling. And we can keep reminding ourselves of all the positive things.... BUT, it doesn't stop the ache and the tears. And I don't about you, but once I start crying I can't stop. And yes, I also know that feeling of counting and looking forward to "dates". I think for the first few years after Andrea was married, I lived from one visit to the next; almost like a life line. You'll be okay. But it won't happen overnight and it won't be easy. I'll be thinking of you. Hugs to you - Dori -

Dori at The Red Feedsack said...

Oh and if it makes you feel better, the picture of the three of you is just super cute!!! :-) - Dori -

Brenda said...

It isn't easy to let them go off to college. I remember, and I feel for you.

Lynda @ Happenstance Home said...

Oh, you brought tears to my eyes. That has to be so hard. I'm bummed enough that my boys are not home as much. I truly love their company. Best Wishes to you!

Dyanna said...

You have entered the hard years of parenting. I just finished that stage this week. It ends when the first grandchild is born. Then the empty feeling in your heart overflows with new love like you've never known.

Melissa said...

Totally different comment from everyone else... but I was wondering how your husband prints out your blog for you in a book format? If you care to share.

Keeping It Cozy said...

What a beautiful, precious post, Lisa. I can hardly bear to think how I will feel when my girls leave home. It's a reminder to treasure these days I have with them. I love the reasons that you blog and I love that your husband gives you a book of your blog. So very sweet! Hugs to you.

Sweet Posy Dreams said...

I bet he'll love it!

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