On Saturday morning we moved my youngest son into his college campus dorm. Above were all his things except for the striped bag that was mine. (The things behind the cardboard box are not his)I have to say I thought we packed pretty compact. I did see a few girls who had cartloads filled with things.
I am having alot of trouble I have to be honest. Although this is not my first son who went to college, he is the first one to go away. My oldest commuted to his school only 45 minutes away and lived at home. Matthew is our baby and he is my last one. As some of you know my oldest Tim, will be getting married on October 11 of this year, exactly 55 days from now, so needless to say I am feeling the anxiety of being away from both my sons.
So we left part of my heart almost 700 miles away. My husband and I drove home feeling like we had lost something. I won't sugarcoat it. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done or experienced. And yes I understand that every parent experiences this and I can't imagine what our military parents go through to know that their beloved son's are being deployed to placed like afghanistan. I am trying to put it all into perspective and be thankful that he is safe and just attending college like millions of eighteen year olds do every year. But I can't seem to stop crying. So I wanted to do a post to mark this moment, my feelings and thoughts. My husband surprises me every Christmas with a gift of having my blog put into book form. I already have 5 volumes. (Crazy huh) And even though I know that one of the boxes I open on Christmas morning will be my next volume to my blog, it still warms my heart that my husband never forgets and has them done for me. I had told him that I wanted them for my son's so that when I'm gone they will have a collection of my thoughts, posts, important moments, great buys, (hee hee) projects, anything and everything I ever thought worth bloggin about. They will see that I valued the little things, I valued the moments and that through it, through these volumes of humorous, whimsical, instructional, emotional posts, I will still be present in their lives. They will say, "wow, mom posted about your birthday, or look remember that chair dad hated that mom bought at that antique place, or hey I didn't know she wrote about when I went to college or my first job, or wedding." Etc.
So for this post, for some day when Matt comes across the volume that includes a post about late August 2014, he will see that his mother wrote:
This week I said goodbye to my youngest son. My husband and I drove ten hours to take him and ten hours back home. It was the most exciting trip and the most heart wrenching trip for us because although we could not be more proud of our boy, we were still leaving a part of our hearts so far away from home. And no class or book or lecture or orientation meeting will ever prepare you for the pain a parent feels as you hug your son and drive away trying not to look back.
It know it will take some time to get accustomed to:
an empty room
a quiet house
an endless aching in my chest everytime I think of his face
a smaller list of groceries
So in the meantime I will hold on to dates in my head. Dates when I visit him and dates when my boy will be returning home. And until then I will save each text, smell his pillow at least once a day, look at his photos on my phone and pray for him that he may be happy and be blessed.
I love my boy. I love him forever.